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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 20th, 2023

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  • Heh well… right fucking now, actually.

    But it’s a rather complicated and emotional situation.

    I’ve been with my partner for nearly 5 years. Shes in a performing arts program. She fell into a deep depression at the start of ‘rona - understandably, given the impact it had on her discipline, and dropped out of her program for a couple years. Fell into a KRPG addiction super hard. Has been in the throes of that since then, despite my continual encouragement after a while to find other outlets and stress relief behaviors. Severe anxiety and mood disorders spiral. Finally re-entered her program last year, but still struggling massively with the KRPG addiction. Stopped socializing outside of the game, for the most part - even with me, to a large extent. Physical relationship is completely dead, and has been for a couple years now. All of this despite my frequent urging to find some more help, talk to an addiction counselor, talk to her PCP, talk to her psych about figuring out a new pharmaceutical balance because the current one isn’t working.

    It’s like swimming with weights tied around my ankles.

    There have been a few semi-recent events that have made me fundamentally question the sustainability of the relationship, but my breaking point was actually just this last Monday. She was supposed to have her dissertation prospectus sorted out and submitted that Tuesday morning (but later, found out there was some sort of miscommunication, and discovered it was actually Monday). I’ve felt I’ve needed to step back and not just effectively parent her through her program, because genuinely she’s a grown-ass woman and needs to be able to motivate herself to do these things - I can’t want them for her. I watched her sandbag and KRPG for weeks leading up to it. I watched her have a couple good days of progress the week prior, then spend most of the weekend before it was due on her KRPG. I went to work Monday, let her know I was gonna get dinner with a friend so she could work and focus without me distracting her. I come back, and she’s on the KRPG; says “eh it was actually due THIS morning, so oh well”.

    My face fell. She can read me pretty well at this point. She went into an emotional spiral, and started verging into self-harm. Also, she had apparently doubled up on adhd stimulants, which has historically tended to supercharge that stuff for her. Not wanting her to perhaps harm or off herself, I got her to take one of her “zonk-out” pills , prescribed for situations such as this. I was in triage mode that night.

    The following day, I went to work. I came home. I no longer care really about what she’s doing or how she’s doing it. I realize this is it; this is my limit. I cannot do this anymore. It’s destroying my mental and physical health (I’ve been self-medicating on and off for a while now due to how much I have to handle fucking EVERYTHING in both my life and hers, and I’ve been the sole earner until about a year ago). I shared a bottle of wine with her. In a fit of quiet grief, while she was back playing her KRPG more, I ended up downing a whole bottle of sake myself just to stop feeling anything. Was extremely drunk; later got violently ill.

    Spent the next day at work super hung over. Resolved that I needed to end things. But despite everything, I do still love and care about her, so I need to get one of her family members up to essentially do a “handoff” when I leave to stay at a friends place for a week or two when I tell her she needs to move out.

    So I’ve been lying to her face for a week pretending everything is copacetic, because I cannot handle another emotional spiral from her, and I need to stage things correctly for her own physical well-being, because I don’t trust her to be ok in the moment when I tell her what’s happening.

    It fucking sucks. But at the same time, I see light at the end of the tunnel, in terms of my own life. So I feel a lot of guilt over that whole situation, in multiple different dimensions.

    Thanks for coming to my TED talk, I guess…?


  • Yeah I’m still on my 5950X and it’s an absolute champ in terms of CPU load. Its second incarnation when I eventually upgrade is going to be a proxmox box.

    My 3080 FE is starting to choke though… starting to get stutters and freezing and framedrops, and once in a while a full system lockup when I’m in Forza Motorsport… thinking of doing a coppermod to see if that addresses it, but I’m worried the GDDR may have just had to put up with too much heatsoak and might be going out :(




  • lol I’m really not a “left radical”.

    My political identity, if I had to put a name to it, would probably be closest to “Scandinavian Socialist”, but there’s a fair bit of nuance that doesn’t quite match up. For instance: I’m a strong proponent of right to privacy, but I fully disagree that personal freedoms are incompatible with socialism. They’re orthogonal, most of the time, and when they do intersect, reasonable governments (see: scandanavian socialism) do try to find the least onerous balance that preserves the common good, while restricting personal rights as lightly as possible. Its government. It’s not perfect, it’s not going to ever be perfect, and there are TONS of interrelated, often contradictory goals that they must balance. But from what I’ve read and seen, it does seem like that system often gets a pretty positive result in a very broad swath of categories.

    Anyways: I’m not talking about trolls, or “shitty people”, in general. I’m talking about fascist trolls - the most important component of that term being fascist. I’m perfectly happy to ignore or mess with garden-variety trolls, but the fascism flavored ones are different - particularly because they’re having a distressing amount of success all over the world these days in getting into power. If someone judges me for being shitty to a fascist, I’m going not only not care about their opinion, but also judge them for being sympathetic to a fascist. Fascism is a special and exceptional case, and different rules apply when dealing with it.


  • Because not showing up to a propaganda war is a serious tactical loss that can and does have strategic implications on the outcome of the election.

    We are fighting the fucking fascists, dude. No quarter can or should be given. We are not polite to fascists. We do not respect fascists. We do not offer aid to fascists. We harm them whenever and wherever we reasonably can, because they’re fucking doing that to the rest of us as a matter of their ideology. We do not extend an assumption of good faith. We punch them in the face and kick them when they’re down.

    The only - and I do mean ONLY - exception is when a fascist says “I want to get out, I don’t want to be a fascist any more”. Help those people. They are trying to escape. They are returning to sanity. The rest MUST be regarded as a lost cause, because that’s the ideology they’re supporting.

    This is not a point I will ever compromise on.

    If this comment gets me a ban for inciting violence, I’m ok with that. I’ll ride it out. But YOU: do not come here and sympathy troll for fascists. That is not going to fucking fly.


  • It’s a problem of psychology and scale. The communist system becomes susceptible to bad actors the larger the group becomes.

    In point of fact: I fully agree that many Latin countries, absent US bullshittery, intervention, and fomenting of coups in the first Cold War, would probably mostly have wound up being successful.

    But I absolutely do not agree that the USSR or the PRC should be held up as paragons of virtue of what a Communist system should be. They were very quickly corrupted by authoritarian leaders and cliques from the get go, which is genuinely antithetical to true communism.







  • Works for a lot of topics that certain users around here are trying to force everyone to perceive as literally the only thing that matters.

    It sucks that that one tree you really care a lot about got vandalized, burnt, and cut down, but you gotta realize there’s a whole fuckin lot more trees out there that we still CAN save. This commentary should be taken in both a literal and a figurative sense.